The Diary of Delmira
by BlackMoonWhiteSky
Summary: The name Delmira means Noble Protector. Not so sure about the noble bit, but as the oldest Gilbert sibling, Mira's definitely got the protector part down pat. Of course… she's going to have her hands full with the dangerously attractive Damon Salvatore. That's okay though, because he's going to have his hands pretty full when it comes to her, too. OCxDamon
1. Dear Idiot

The name Delmira means Noble Protector. Not so sure about the noble bit, but as the oldest Gilbert sibling, Mira's definitely got the protector part down pat. Of course… she's going to have her hands full with the dangerously attractive Damon Salvatore. That's okay though, because he's going to have his hands pretty full when it comes to her, too.

* * *

**AN: I will be incorporating some aspects from the books, such as Damon's ability to shapeshift into a wolf and crow, but for the most part I will be following the show- at least in the beginning. Also, just to set aside any worries, Delmira is not secretly Elena's twin- though they **_are_** sisters, nor is she another doppelgänger.**

**Her physical appearance will be explained in due time.**

* * *

Diary of Delmira

Diary Entry 1: Dear Idiot

* * *

_Dear Whatever-Poor-Idiot-That-Finds-This-One-Day,_

_Firstly: Shame on you for reading someone else's diary, especially since that someone else is a girl._

_Secondly: I hope you get some form of amusement out of this, but if you don't... this is a no-money-back ride. You're just going to have to live with what you get._

_Anyways, let's get this show on the road._

_I'm not much of a diary kind of girl. I mean, I've tried it before, more than once even, but I can't ever seem to stick with it. Lenie says it's because I'm too much of an '_In the moment_' kind of person. I think she's probably right. Once I have a thought, it's over and done- I simply have no patience for revisiting it- especially just to write it down._

_That said, my therapist -_sorry_\- _**Life Counselor** _seems convinced that this whole diary thing is a good idea. Says it will help me deal with my grief. _**I**_ think he's full of shit, but if it'll keep Aunt Jenna and the sibs from worrying- I'm willing to give anything a try at least once._

_Grief._

_I don't even know if I _**do**_ feel grief. I think I'm in shock. I must be, because I haven't cried, or screamed, or any of the other things most normal people do when they find out that their parents are dead._

_Dead._

_My parents are dead._

_How am I supposed to respond to that?_

_It's been almost a week since I woke from what was apparently a six month long coma, only to be told that my parents didn't make it. Just Elena. Just me. And there's one thing that I certainly do feel._

_Guilt._

_What the hell kind of big sister am I?_

_Lenie. Jerjer. They've been dealing with this alone._

_God._

_They've been doing this _**without**_ me. They had the funeral without me. They've been dealing with everything on their own. I'm supposed to be there for them, protecting them, guiding them, making sure they're safe and happy and healthy._

_I've completely and utterly failed._

_Aunt Jenna, she's the only one who's come to see me since I opened my eyes. Apparently she's our legal guardian now- it's weird, she was always like more of a big sister. She was the cool aunt; you know- the one who told you to at least wear condoms, and gave you your first sip of alcohol. She was _**that**_ aunt._

_And now she was our guardian._

_I think she's relieved that I'm finally coming home. She's really happy that I'm okay, of course, but I think she's relieved that I'm coming home so that she doesn't have to be the only '_adult_' in the house._

_Not that I am._

_An adult, I mean. I'm only a year and a half older than Elena. Still... I think she'll be glad of the help._

_I..._

_I don't really know what to do..._

_Aunt Jenna... she told me about what's going on at home. How unhappy and apathetic Elena has become- a space case; she's just not _**there**_, not mentally. And Jeremy- he's stopped drawing, he won't talk to anyone... he's been smoking pot. And all they seem to do when they're in the same room together is argue with one another. I haven't been there for them at all- and I don't know how to face them._

_I wasn't even there for their first day of school._

_Auntie J. says things might be getting better for Elena though. She's met a guy. I thought she was dating Mattie, but apparently I slept through their break up._

_It seems that I've slept through a lot of things._

_I wish the doctors had just let me go home the first day I woke up, that would have been better, wouldn't it? At least I could have been at home for Lenie and Jerjer's first day back. But they refused, said they needed to keep me under '_observation_'._

_I don't understand what's wrong with me._

_I'm so weak, so tired. Just getting up to go to the bathroom leaves me feeling like I've been running for miles, _uphill_, in the _**snow**_... Sudden noises send me into a panic- and I think I've been getting flashbacks of the crash... trying to keep an unconscious Elena's head above water for as long as I can... but then it passes, and I can't seem to remember anything at all._

_The doctors say I had exceptionally dangerous cranial trauma when I first came in- I can hear the jokes already. But seriously, it means that there are some things that simply can't be anticipated._

_The brain is a delicate thing._

_I get headaches sometimes, and dizzy spells; they come out of nowhere. It seemed like the doctors would keep me here forever, but today- today I finally get to go _**home**_._

_I can't even begin to explain how much I just want to go home._

_My house, my bed- hell, I can't even wait to go back to _**work**_. The fact that I'm excited about work should really clue you in on how much I don't want to be here. I'd rather be anywhere but here._

-There's a thought. Will I be able to go back to work? Do I even have a job waiting for me? If not, will I be able to find someplace else to work? How long will it take?-

_I can just barely hear Aunt Jenna talking with my doctor in the hall, last minute instructions, I guess. I'm wearing my own clothes. It may seem stupid, but wearing my own clothes makes me feel like a whole new person. And my hair is finally up in a braid._

_Simple things._

_Simple little things that make me feel more like myself again. Make me feel more human. I don't know what I was before, but it definitely wasn't _Delmira Hannah Gilbert_._

_I bet you're kind of wondering why I'm doing this whole diary thing today._

_Why, on the day I finally get out, am I doing something that I don't want to do? Shouldn't I be living it up? Soaking in my freedom?_

_The fact is... I kind of... do want to do it._

_Auntie J.- when she told me that I was going home... she also told me how bad I was when they first brought me in. I think she was simply trying to scare me into not overdoing it when I get home._

_She succeeded._

_And for the first time since I woke up, I've realized just how close to the edge I was. How close I came to _**dying**_. I've realized how long they were waiting- to see if I would die- to see if I would pull through. And I realized that I want to leave something behind to prove that I was alive to begin with._

_Even if it's just some stupid words- in some stupid book- that will probably never see the light of day._

_Until Next Time,_

_The-Oldest-Gilbert_

* * *

Delmira snapped the indigo book shut with a sigh, and tucked both it and the black ballpoint pen she was writing with into her purse. She took a last glance around the room she had been living in for, well, months, before sliding off the bed and padding quietly to the door. "Aunt Jenna?" Her aunt stopped mid-sentence, looking somewhat agitated, and turned to look at her niece. Almost instantly, she was at Mira's side, hands fluttering franticly- clearly unsure of what to do, and spouting concerns. "I'm fine Aunt Jenna, really. I just... are we almost done? I'm kind of hungry, and I really want to go home."

The response was immediate. Shooting a last, aggravated glance at the doctor, Jenna quickly herded Mira out into the car, the younger girl just barely stopping her aunt from buckling her seatbelt for her like a toddler. They were silent as they rode, Delmira cutting glances at the silent woman from the corner of her eye.

"Sooooo... you gonna tell me what that was all about?" Her tone was light, not hinting at the irritation bubbling under the surface.

She was tired of whispered conversations with her doctors out of her hearing range, tired of being kept out of the loop '_for her own good_'. She was also quickly growing tired of being babied, but she would let that slide for now, it was only her first day out, after all.

Jenna smiled a disarming smile and waved a hand, as though brushing the whole matter aside. "Nothing, don't worry about it. Hey, so, Elena texted me. She wanted my permission to have a dinner at the house tonight. Apparently Bonnie isn't a huge fan of Stefan- that's her new boyfriend, so she's arranging it so that they can get to know one another."

Mira's eyes narrowed ever so slightly at the evasion, a tightening at the corners more than anything, but she decided not to push the matter. "Oh? Clever. Although, if Bonnie Bee doesn't like him- that's really not a good sign, she's always been an exceptional judge of character." Her aunt relaxed when she went with the topic change, causing a light frown to briefly appear on Mira's face. "Tonight, you said? Do you think I should stay out? Or can I get away with grilling the new guy at this dinner?"

Her aunt laughed. "I don't think Elena could expect any better from you."

"Hey!" She scowled playfully, "You make me sound terrible. I'm just looking out for my own; it's how I've always been."

"And don't I know it." Jenna responded with a grin and an eye roll.

"Auntie J.!" She lightly shoved her aunt's shoulder with a laugh.

* * *

Delmira was already in the house when Bonnie and Elena walked in with takeout. She grinned at the sight. It was to be expected really, Elena couldn't cook to save her life- possibly even in the literal sense. That said, Delmira could, and she had. Or, at least, she'd started to.

But then she got tired.

And all she had managed to make was a side dish of rice. Although, in her defense, it was some very yummy rice. There was a moment of silence as the two stared at the girl slumped against the counter smiling tiredly at them, a beat of absolute stillness, before Bonnie rushed forward, swooping Mira into a hug. "Oh my gosh! Oh my _**gosh**_! Delmira! You're- Oh my _**gosh**_!"

The girl in question laughed heartily, and returned the hug, deciding not to hold the lack of visits against the hugger. "Good to see you too, Bonnie Bee, seems like forever ago, you know?"

"You're- I just can't believe- I mean-" And another round of frantic hugs commenced.

Mira laughed again, "You're so coherent Bonns, it's astonishing. ...You know, most people require a regular inflow of oxygen in order to remain conscious. I'm pretty a-typical in most areas, but I still need to breath." The response was instantaneous, and had Mira been leaning any of her weight on Bonnie she would have fallen on her rear, as it was- she had to grab at the counter when Bonnie released her.

Delmira turned to her surprisingly quiet sister and was startled to be met with a glare.

Suddenly uncertain, she turned to the still babbling Bonnie with a smile that was forced. She held up a hand to stall the flow of words. "Hey now, I do believe you were in the middle of setting up dinner. Don't even try to get away with avoiding the issue. Something about not liking the new guy? Was that what I heard? I... made some rice." The last was said to Elena, who didn't seem terribly impressed, but at the look from Bonnie, who seemed to have noticed the strange behavior, she forced a smile.

"Thanks, but it won't really go well with what I already got."

"Oh, right. Duh." Palm, meet forehead. "What was I thinking? I should have asked first before making anything at all. Sorry." Delmira watched as Elena's smile fell a little before she forced it back into place. "...Lenie? I really misse-"

"Let's not waste any time. Stefan will be here soon, we still need to set the table and pick up in the living room at least a little bit." Mira suddenly had a really bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. The way Elena was acting... she didn't think it was because her sister didn't know how to deal with her return. It was almost like... Elena didn't want her there.

Elena rushed into the living room to begin the aforementioned pickup, not even looking back when Bonnie didn't follow. Their shared friend worried her lip and tried to hide her confused expression. "She's just- really stressed about this Stefan thing. She wants me to like him..."

"Why don't you?"

"What?"

"Why don't you like him?"

Bonnie shrugged, looking suddenly uncomfortable. "I've just... got a bad feeling, you know?"

Their eyes met, Mira studying her carefully. "Yeah, I know what you mean. There are just some people... Something about them is just... off- it's hebee-jeebee inducing... Look, I trust your judgment Bonnie, but you know- Lenie's got a good head on her shoulders, too. I'm not saying that you should completely disregard your own feelings, just- keep an open mind."

"An open mind- yeah, I think I can do that." Delmira beamed, getting a grin in return- though it was reluctant. "It's good to know you're okay Delmira, I've missed you a lot. You_** are**_ okay, aren't you?"

Dry amusement. "Peachy."

Bonnie laughed. "Good. I better go help Elena, before she decides to clean the whole house and forgets about the important bit- the food."

Mira waved a dismissal, "Don't let me stop you. I need to rest for a bit, then I'll come and help."


	2. The Brothers Strange

The name Delmira means Noble Protector. Not so sure about the noble bit, but as the oldest Gilbert sibling, Mira's definitely got the protector part down pat. Of course… she's going to have her hands full with the dangerously attractive Damon Salvatore. That's okay though, because he's going to have his hands pretty full when it comes to her, too.

* * *

**AN: I will be incorporating some aspects from the books, such as Damon's ability to shapeshift into a wolf and crow, but for the most part I will be following the show- at least in the beginning. Also, just to set aside any worries, Delmira is not secretly Elena's twin- though they **_are_** sisters, nor is she another doppelgänger.**

**Her physical appearance will be explained in due time.**

**Thanks go out to amy, ghg, lilsis321, and Damrey for the reviews, and thanks to everyone who favorited/alerted. Now, on with the show!**

* * *

Diary of Delmira

Diary Entry 2: The Brothers Strange

* * *

Awkward did not even _**begin**_ to cover it.

And after several failed attempts at starting a conversation, Delmira finally gave up and resigned herself to the heavy silence. She would occasionally zone back in to see if things had changed, but for the most part her mind was drifting. She didn't like this quiet.

Quiet had never bothered her before, but now- it just made her think of the hospital. The only noise there came from the machines that were her constant companions, with only the occasional sound from out in the hall. It was so... empty.

She wondered if that's what her body had looked like to the outside observer while she was in her coma.

Empty, but there.

Something- but nothing that was actually worth mentioning.

Mira hated the quiet now. It made her nervous- made her feel sick.

She'd almost say it made her afraid.

The doorbell interrupted her thoughts, and she all but leapt to her feet. "I'll get it." As she shuffled down the hall, her mind caught up with her ears and she realized what they'd been talking about. Her eyebrows climbed, '_Bonnie's family is from a line of witches? That's kind of cool._' She still had a surprised expression on her face when she opened the door- probably making her look like a bit of an idiot, but it didn't matter much. The expression would have appeared anyways- Caroline was at the door with dessert and her newest boy-toy.

Although- a quick inspection of him gave her a feeling that it was Caroline that was the toy, not the other way around. Or maybe it was a mutual eye-candy relationship? Was there such a thing? "Wow Elena, you look like shit. And what the hell are you wearing? It looks like you got run over by a truck bound for a secondhand store."

Mira could feel a sort of exasperated amusement rising up, pulling her lips into a wry grin. She crossed her arms and leaned on the door frame. "Hello Caroline, nice to know what you really think of my fashion sense. Nothing like some good old honesty to make me want to reevaluate." The dripping sarcasm was hard to miss, and had the blond taking a step back and looking closer.

"You- your hair's in a braid..."

"That it is. Don't wanna chop it all off, but I hate when it gets in the way, and ponytails tend to smack people in the face if you're not careful." Or maybe it was just a special talent of hers...

"Oh my god." Caroline almost dropped the dessert. "Del? That you?"

A snort. "What? You actually thought I was my much less cool little sister? No, wait- I know. You thought I was Jeremy. I know he can be kind of a wimp sometimes, but calling him a girl is kinda mean Caroline, even for you."

"Well- it's not my fault you have an adolescent boy's body." The response was automatic, as it was clear that the taller girl was still in shock.

Up until this point, Mira had been ignoring the guy standing back quietly, although she did take note of the confusion and then the surprised understanding that had flitted across his face. Now he was watching their exchange with an amused smirk and one eyebrow higher than the other. "So, who's the bo- er, guy?" The smirk widened, but the eyes narrowed- he'd clearly caught what she'd almost called him.

"Oh, this is my boyfriend, Damon." That seemed to snap Caroline out of it; she glanced back at the guy with an infatuated, almost dumbstruck expression before turning to glare at her. "Why the hell didn't anybody tell me you had woken up? How long have you _**been**_ awake?"

Delmira was startled by the question, subconsciously touching just behind her hairline at the thought of her coma, slightly above her left ear- where a relatively fresh scar was hidden by hair. "You mean... no one said anything?" She frowned, suddenly comprehending Bonnie's extreme reaction. She didn't understand- was Jenna the only one that knew? But no- Elena had not been at all shocked by her appearance, just Bonnie.

A sudden realization sent pain shooting into her heart- Elena hadn't told anyone that she was awake. And neither had Jeremy. Jenna- naturally Jenna must have assumed that Elena would tell her friends about it, why wouldn't she?

'_Why didn't she?_'

Delmira glanced over her shoulder towards the dining room, but there was a wall blocking her sight. It's not like she would suddenly understand just because she could see her sister anyways- this would require actual talking to one another. She turned back around to be met with two curious expressions, one much more subtle than the other. "Sorry, right- um, the doctors. The doctors didn't want me to receive any visitors while I was readjusting- they were afraid it would cause me too much stress. I guess they must have told Jenna not to tell anyone at all, just to be on the safe side."

Caroline believed it- her boy toy... he was a harder read- Mira doubted he cared one way or the other anyways. Caroline repeated her question. "How long have you been awake?"

"Mmm, few days. You gonna stand out here all night?" She was careful to gloss over it, not wanting to face questions she didn't have the answers to.

Damon was quick to step forward, seeming almost eager all of a sudden. "That depends- are you going to give us a proper invitation?"

Eyebrows climbed again, she swept into a sarcastic bow. "Please, do com-"

"Actually, we're just finishing up."

Delmira near about jumped through the roof. "Holy shit, Stefan!" She took a calming breath and shot him a glare. "A little warning next time, okay?" He glanced apologetically at her, but his gaze quickly shifted back to Damon, whose smirk seemed distinctly smug. Stefan appeared anxious. "You... know each other, I take it."

"Yep, Stefan here is my _**adorable**_ little brother." Damon gestured towards his... brother, with exaggerated fondness- seeming more contemptuous than anything else with the action.

"I see..."

"Oh, come in already. Geeze." Caroline rolled her eyes- already making her way down the hall.

"No. No, Damon really has to be going. Don't you Damon?"

"What's taking so long?" Elena appeared at the end of the hallway, taking in the situation quickly, and shooting an annoyed glare at her lookalike. "Can't you do anything right Delmira?" Mira flinched, eyes wide with surprise and confusion, and no small amount of hurt. "Come on in Damon." She waved him in exasperatedly and turned to go back to the room where Bonnie and Caroline waited.

She was staring at her younger sister's retreating back, and so Mira missed the triumphant look that Damon shot his brother, as well as his careful, exaggerated step across the house's threshold. He was at her side immediately, smiling and charming. "You have a lovely home. Delmira- is it?"

She instantly turned to him, taking a subconscious step back to put more room between them. "That's me- Delmira Gilbert."

He hummed, smirk ever present. "I didn't realize Elena had a twin sister."

There was a passive expression on her face, "That's because she doesn't. I'm her older sister- kind of like how you're the older brother, only Elena and I get along better." She smiled teasingly, but it didn't reach her eyes.

His smirk seemed to grow, the light in his glacial eyes changed- Mira suddenly felt as though she was staring down a _very_ dangerous wild animal. "Didn't seem like it."

Aside from the slightest twitch of the lips, Mira's mask did not shift- although she felt the same confused pang of hurt that had been plaguing her since she arrived to such a cold greeting from her sister. "Looks are deceiving. Things are rarely as they appear."

This time his amusement seemed genuine, if a little dark, and he laughed quietly. "So true."

Something about the smiling male disquieted her, and Mira felt the urge to get away from him. "Well, we better join them before Caroline starts getting frisky."

Damon took a half step towards her before Stefan grabbed him by the arm, reminding them of his presence- which both had managed to forget, however briefly. "Yes, why don't we all get back before that dessert disappears without us to enjoy it."

"Excellent point, Stefan. You two go on ahead, I'll be there in a minute." The younger brother nodded and led his darker counterpart away.

It wasn't until they were completely out of sight that she allowed her smile to drop and felt her brow furrow in confusion. Her reaction to the nearness of Damon was quite strong- there was a base level attraction that could only be expected around someone so handsome –_It wasn't like there were _**that**_ many hot guys in Mystic Falls._\- but it was the almost _screaming_ fear that ran across her spine that concerned her. It reminded her of how she'd felt around her ex-boyfriend the last time they'd seen one another- the day she'd filed for the restraining order.

And he'd been threatening her life at the time.

That she'd felt the same fear in both situations was extremely disquieting.

Before she could get lost any further in her own mind she was interrupted by Bonnie, who- seeing the expression on her face- silently gave her a hug. No questions, no judgments, just comfort. Mira's forehead found her friend's shoulder and they simply stood like that for a moment, quietly exchanging strength.

Finally, with one last deep breath, Delmira pulled away, shooting her friend a grateful look. "Thanks Bonns. I needed that." It was a quiet whisper and Bonnie simply nodded before leading the way to the living room.

"Come on, I saved you a slice."

"Thanks."

"Hey, I knew you'd start attacking if someone didn't. You sugar-holic, you." Mira laughed quietly in response.


	3. The Truth Hurts

The name Delmira means Noble Protector. Not so sure about the noble bit, but as the oldest Gilbert sibling, Mira's definitely got the protector part down pat. Of course… she's going to have her hands full with the dangerously attractive Damon Salvatore. That's okay though, because he's going to have his hands pretty full when it comes to her, too.

* * *

**AN: I will be incorporating some aspects from the books, such as Damon's ability to shapeshift into a wolf and crow, but for the most part I will be following the show- at least in the beginning. Also, just to set aside any worries, Delmira is not secretly Elena's twin- though they **_are_** sisters, nor is she another doppelgänger.**

**Her physical appearance will be explained in due time.**

**I know, I'm a horrible person for making you guys wait so long for an update, I'm **really **sorry! I hope this chapter helps, and that it clears up some questions y'all had about Elena's behavior. Anywho, thanks to everyone that favorited/alerted, and a special thanks to **Guest**, **ThePrettyRecklessRock**, **gloria. cuevas. 391**, **lilsis321**, **rukoitalian65** (I'm glad you like all of my stories, it's really nice to hear! :3), and **AnariaLenair** (Hopefully, this chapter answered some of your questions!) for reviewing. You guys are the best!**

**Hope you enjoy the latest, and way past due, chapter in the life of our Noble Protector! :3**

* * *

_Diary of Delmira_

_Diary Entry 3: The Truth Hurts_

* * *

Delmira was blatantly not listening to the conversation, anyone with eyes could tell as much. Her chin was propped up on a fist, her eyes staring absentmindedly at the wall in front of her, and her free hand twisting her drink back and forth by the mug's handle. It was clear her focus was on other things- mainly on her imminent return to school, and if she would be able to handle it.

She was checked out- but not completely. So when she heard Caroline's comment about her sister, about their situation, she rose to the defense. "Wow, Car, way to be a _bitch_. Did you take sensitivity classes, or are you just like that naturally?" She didn't wait for a response, turning to her obviously stricken sister, "Are you okay, Elena?"

But instead of a thankful glance she was met by a scalding glare, by bitterness, "What do you care?" And as Mira had not waited for Caroline's response, Elena was not waiting for hers. She swept to her feet and gathered the dishes, rushing into the kitchen. Delmira paused for a moment, uncomfortably aware of the eyes on her, but she couldn't wait.

She needed an explanation. _Now_.

Mira rose tiredly, but with dignity, and followed in her little sister's footsteps. She came to a stop some feet away, not wanting to crowd her sister, "what is this about?"

Elena stiffened, back to her.

"Tell me what this is about. You've been weird from the moment you laid eyes on me- did I do something wrong?" She perched herself on the counter, taking the weight off her feet.

"Did you do something _wrong_?" There was something in her sister's tone that made her nervous- a bitterness. "They're dead. They're dead because of you!" She whipped around, scowling accusingly, but Mira knew her sister, could see the guilt in her eyes, "You just couldn't keep your mouth _shut_, could you? Don't you get it? They're _**dead**_!" Elena was bordering on hysterical.

And suddenly, in one terrible moment of clarity, Mira understood. And her heart broke. She understood her sister's behavior, and she understood, really, truly understood, _emotionally_ understood, the truth of things.

Why it was this- _this_ which drove it home, which cracked the shield of denial, she didn't know.

All she knew was that the room was too small, was too full, and she couldn't _breath_ around the shard of heart lodged in her throat. They were dead.

Her parents were fucking _dead_ and she would never see them again.

They were _gone_!

A sting of pain from spilled tea snapped her out of it to some degree, she rushed to her feet. "Excuse me," she tried not to meet anyone's eyes as she rushed passed the room, knowing they'd heard every word Elena had just screamed, but she was caught, for a millisecond, by blue.

Those ice eyes were laughing, the face set in an expression of sympathy, but those eyes didn't lie. He was amused by the drama playing out before him- like a child delighting in the chain reaction after flicking the first domino. He was enjoying himself- reveling in the chaos.

If she wasn't choking on her broken heart she would have screamed at him. Something about her inability to respond to him made the anger worse, made her want to _hurt_ him- she could feel the anger in her gaze _burn_. She didn't know much of anything about him, but in that moment- she _hated_ him.

How _dare_ he enjoy their pain?

How dare he laugh at their _loss_?

How dare he _sit there_ in their _house_ with feelings like _**that**_?

It all passed in the span of a moment, and then she was sweeping from the room, up the stairs, and into her own bedroom.

And there she cried.

* * *

She was reading in her bed when he found her, too absorbed to register his presence until he placed his chin on her shoulder, and his arms around her waist. "What are you reading?"

His breath stirred the hair by her face and she turned her head slightly to give him a beaming smile that had his heart stuttering- _Katherine_. And then it was just her again, but the ache lingered.

"Emily Dickinson. It's one of my favorite poems- about the death of a balloon. You might like it, actually.

"_The gilded creature strains and spins,_

_Trips frantic in a tree,_" her voice held the chiming lilt of someone who knew the words they were saying by heart.

"_Tears open her imperial veins_

_And tumbles in the sea..._

"Somehow, I think it would amuse you." Her eyes were dancing, her lips quirked in teasing. He couldn't quite stop his answering grin.

"You're a morbid little thing, aren't you?" And he pressed a kiss to the base of her neck, hands creeping under her shirt. He could feel the flutter of her pulse, could hear the way her breathing picked up. She leaned back against his chest, her head tipping back to brush her cheek against his affectionately.

He didn't like that- made him feel strange.

He whipped her around to face him, pressing an open mouthed kiss to her throat, lifting her shirt higher. Leaned away to pull her shirt off, letting his face show his true nature, fangs bared- more than ready to turn this dream into a nightmare. And when the shirt uncovered her eyes she did indeed scream, but she wasn't the only one shocked.

Because Damon- Damon was staring at an entirely different face.

* * *

Delmira shot out of bed with a muffled shriek, landing in a heap on the floor where she trembled. _Oh- that face_! Ignoring the fact that she'd just had a dream in which she'd been _very_ cozy with someone she's known for perhaps a total of maybe _one_ hour, and already hated, at that- it had been a weird dream.

What the hell was she doing dreaming about _vampires_? The last time she'd done so was back when she was ten and had read _Dracula_ for the first time. And this was nothing like the creepy dream with the lady vamps and the child they'd been feeding on- a child which had naturally turned into her before the dream had come to its end.

This was -her face flushed- this was intimate and comfortable, she'd felt _safe_. With that asshole! What the _hell_?

And when she'd seen his vampire face... she'd screamed from surprise, but she wasn't _scared_. She'd felt an overwhelming... sadness. Something about the fangs and dark veins made her want to gather him into her arms and comfort him.

What the _**hell**_!

Unable to think about _that_ any longer, Mira rose and slipped quietly from her room. For a moment she stopped at Elena's door, but instead pressed on, going to her little brother's room. She could see a faint glow, a computer most likely- she knocked.

There was a long pause, she was almost sure she'd been mistaken and he was asleep, but then there was a shuffling on the other side of the door and then it cracked open. Tired eyes peered out at her from the gloom.

He gave no real response, just stared at her blankly. "_Jerjer_." She couldn't help but think of the things Elena had shouted at her a few hours ago, and, _oh, if he rejected her, too_... she didn't know if she could handle it.

She couldn't breath through the anxiety.

Slowly, his gaze lightened, awakened, recognition stirred. And suddenly his arms were wrapped tightly around her and they were sitting on the floor right in front of his door. He had his head buried almost painfully in her shoulder, and she could feel the sobs as they ran through him.

"Delmira. _DelmiraMira__**MiraDelDelmira-**_" and there was so much relief in his voice, and all he could seem to say was her _name_...

Her tears joined his- she ran her fingers through his hair soothingly, cooing gentle reassurances to him. To her brother. And for the first time she could really feel it-

She was _home_.

* * *

_Dear Inconsiderate Idiot,_

_Yes, I've shortened how I'm going to address you. And as for the 'Inconsiderate' bit- well… you _**are**_ reading my _**diary**_._

_Anyways._

_Do you know- I still remember the day of the crash. It was so normal, so ordinary- to think it would become the worst day of my life… Well, _**one**_ of the worst._

_I remember being exhausted when I got the call from Elena, about to go to sleep even. Normally I would have said "_screw it_" and left her to get into trouble with mom and dad, but she sounded so upset… I agreed to sneak out to go get her._

_Now, you have to understand something- I'm not a party person, never have been, probably never will be. It's just not my idea of a good time. I wasn't one to judge though, the only reason my thoughts were so unkind was because she wasn't supposed to be _**at**_ that party. Lenie was grounded, and if there was one thing I did- it was respect my parents' wishes. I did not approve of her actions._

_But I would still go get her. She needed me, and that would outweigh my disapproval every time._

_I guess I was really tired though, that- or I'm not nearly as clever as I think I am… No, it was definitely because of how tired I was._

_Point is, I got caught trying to sneak out. And after some serious '_piercing stares of disappointment'_ I finally gave in and told them what was going on. (_Don't judge. You have not suffered _**soul-rending**_ _**guilt**_ until you've been subjected to my mother's '_stare of disappointment_'. I stayed strong for as long as I could._)_

_It went down about as well as could be expected. They were not pleased._

_I think the only thing that saved me from a truly severe tongue-lashing was the fact that I didn't know what Lenie was up to beforehand. I was still in some pretty deep shit for even _**contemplating**_ the idea of keeping her transgressions a secret. In a weird way though, I think mom was secretly proud of me- my sisterly loyalty, perhaps?_

_I don't know. Adults are confusing…_

_No- that's too narrow._

**People**_ are confusing._

_And irritating._

_And stupid._

_And arrogant._

_And- for some reason this rant has me picturing a pair of pale blue eyes…_

_-(_This is where I huff and shake my head to clear my thoughts, in case you were wondering._)_

_The point is, it's best to just accept that my parents are- _**were**_ unfathomable creatures and to move on. They decided that since I was planning it anyways, I would drive to the party and they would sit next to/behind me._

_It was, in a word, torture._

_They were completely silent, but I could feel their eyes on me the whole time. When we finally arrived at our destination, my hands were actually shaking from the nerves of it all. Daddy got out from behind me to collect Elena, and I moved to his spot. Momma didn't say a word until Elena was in the car, and when she did speak- it was with the cool calmness that meant true anger. It didn't help Lenie's case that there was alcohol out in plain sight._

_Before I knew it, things had developed into a full-fledged argument. I don't remember what was said… don't even really remember what happened._

_We were just suddenly going over the side of the bridge and into the water._

_It was hours and it was seconds and it was years- all at the same time._

_My head hurt and water was coming in and Daddy was the only other person awake and Lenie was slumped forwards and I couldn't let her- she would drown. I didn't even know what was going on, just knew that my head hurt and my sight was dark around the edges and I couldn't let Lenie's head go under the water and then _**I **_was going under, but it didn't matter anymore because everything was dark and I couldn't even feel my hurt head and I was _**gone**_._

_I didn't know where I'd gone to, but I was quite sure I was gone._

_It was hours and it was seconds and it was years- all over again. The next thing I knew was the hospital room they'd moved me to once I was out of ICU._

_Of course, now I know why only Aunt Jenna came to visit me when I woke up. I understand the why of it- that doesn't mean it hurts any less._

_Jeremy- some part of him was afraid, afraid that if he allowed himself to actually believe that I'd pulled through- he would come to see me only to find out it was a lie. Or that I'd had some kind of relapse or something. He'd allow himself to care about me and then I would be taken from him again._

_Elena, unlike Jeremy, is angry. She's angry at herself, but now she has someone else that was there- she doesn't want to face the feelings she carries for herself. She has shifted her self-blame onto me. I was there- I didn't stop it from happening. It has become my fault, because she feels that it is hers. And she can't bear to think like that. Not on top of the grief she's already drowning in, not with her own survivor's guilt._

_I'm okay with it for now, I just hope they can overcome their respective issues soon. I really want my family back- what's left of it anyways._

_Until Next Time,_

_The-Emotional-Punching-Bag-Gilbert_


End file.
